I had a travel dilemma.

The lights were dimmed and I lied down on the massage table facing down. A candle was lit, its sandalwood fragrance soon filled the air. I was in a perfect place but all I could think about was my underpants.

I had booked a day spa treatment to relieve some of the tension from traveling hard. I had been looking forward to it all day as I did my day’s worth of sightseeing, until I remembered that morning our laundry day wasn’t until the next day, and I had run out of good underpants.

Out came a spare fair from the bottom of my suitcase, originally brought to fill gaps between the neck of wine bottles. Torn, lose and wearing thin, they were the only option I had, and up to now it seemed like a good idea.

I once read in one of those glossy glamor magazines that women are the worst judge of ourselves, and if you are wearing something out of place, it is often a woman that would notice first. Australian journalist Catherine Taylor wrote that in Beirut, when you walk into a shop or restaurant, women’s eyes will be on you. From the brand of your shoes to the length of your skirt, to the cut of the neckline and the color of your nail polish, they will take note of everything and decide whether you are worth their while to socialize with.

Perhaps I was over thinking my situation, but as my therapist began to adjust the position of the towel on my hips, I braced for the worst.

“Nice tattoo”, she said with a smile, fingers prodding the area just above my hip bone.

So she didn’t notice, or was she just being a professional? I am, after all, paying a lot of money for her to be gentle with me.

I am a snob. I like to do my own thing and think group travels are for the less capable. In my younger years I rolled my eyes at the thrones of package tourists being unloaded from their coaches only to spend 10 minutes taking photographs before being ushered back into the safety of their tinned metal transport. What was the fun in that?

It’s not just the inflexibility that turned me off group travel. My preference for traveling solo also come from my travel selfish-ness. I don’t like having to compromise on the travel plans, I want to be able to change my mind last minute and not do something I don’t feel like doing. I want to have my quiet photo times when I can patiently wait for that little bird to come out of hiding for the perfect shot. I hate being told what to do.

Read: Traveling Solo | Confessions of a Dromomaniac

Even traveling with my bestest friends can be stressful for me, as we constantly have to negotiate how long we are going to spend in certain places, what we are going to have for dinner and whether or not we take the bus/train or walk.

And then, there is the obvious – traveling in groups (or even in pairs) limit the amount of time I can socialise to meet new people, let alone trying to find that little bit of holiday fling!

I know people who like to travel in groups, or always go with a tour group because everything is done for them and all they have to care about is to enjoy the scenery or activities organised for them. They also like the comfort of knowing exactly what is going to happen and who they’ll be spending their holidays in, and most of all, when something goes wrong, they know they have someone to look to.

Fair enough. When you have so many other things to worry about, perhaps it is sometimes easier to just let someone do the work for you.

Older and wiser, I am no longer as snobby about independent travels anymore, now that I’ve grown up and learnt the many responsibilities and other factors that may limit the way we travel. However I think I am still a lone traveler at heart.

What do you prefer? Are you a solo snob like me, or are group travel the thing for you?

I used to be a mono color person and my dressing sense extremely orderly. My rules were, what I wear on the top must always be lighter than what I wear on my bottoms, and my shoes were almost always black or dark grey, and patterns were non-existent.

“You must always be neat”, my mom had always taught me; however I feel that in my more innocent days, I might have taken that a little too literally.

Then travel happened, and I discovered a whole new world (yes, pun intended!).

I discovered colors, bold prints and patterns and I discovered multi-layer and non-symmetrical styles in women’s fashions; I learned that even if my top is a different shade of grey to my bottoms, especially splashed with some surprising twists of imagery looked pretty good and that I would still be ‘neat’.

Today, I parade around with a plain skirt topped with bold printed shirts, and wear necklaces made of carved coconut shells painted in clashing colors.

Of course, style is such an acquired concept, and not everyone gets me.

When my travels took me to the Quechua communities in Peru, the hill tribes of Thailand, the traditional villages of the Pacific Islands and the Aboriginal heartland of Australia, I fell madly and deeply in love with tribal arts and prints, and have found that they work really well with modern day clothing and fasion trends.

I remember the day when I left Peru after a five months journey and arrived in Dublin to visit a friend. As it was close to the end of a work day, she had asked me to turn up at her office straight from the airport, so that I could wait the 30 minutes at the café in her building while she finished up with some emails.

When I first walked through those glass doors that led me into the heart of corporate land, all eyes turned towards me. As I scanned my surrounding and recognized the familiar black and grey shades of business wear, I realized why: I had turned up in my casual Peruvian day wear of bright pink pull string pants with vertical stripes matched with a red jumper made of alpaca wool weaved in the pattern of Incan ritual symbols, complete with necklace and bracelets made of jungle beads painted in various colors.

It took my friend a whole ten minutes to stop laughing. “Wow, you look… tribal!”

I thought I looked pretty good.

Morning

Waking up to a glorious Autumn Saturday morning, where the sun is no longer as harsh and the light cooling breeze refreshes my sleepy conscience, I will want to step out early for a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

Not before I’ve had some exercise to clear my head.

So I begin the Iron Cove Bay Run, a 7 kilometer circuit that takes me along the water of Parramatta river at Sydney’s inner west. I jog at a leisurely pace and watch the rowers from two nearby rowing clubs practice on the calm and peaceful water on the bay, before heading back to Leichhardt, Sydney’s Little Italy for that cup of well-deserved coffee and some fresh flaky pastry from Berkelouw Cafe & Bookshop on Norton Street.

After refueling my energy and having flipped through the daily news, I hop on a bus and head down to Circular Quay where I get off, turn left and visit The Rocks, where its Saturday markets would be in full swing, with stores selling handicrafts, boutique clothing designs, jewelry, collectables and snacks.

Towards the end of George Street with the market meets the harbour I stand close to the bridge and look up to the bridge climbers about to make their ascend and wave, as they step one by one onto the ladders of Sydney’s most famous icon.

Across the water, the Opera House will be glistening in the mid-morning sun as I follow the shoreline back towards the Quay, past the Overseas Passenger Terminal where a large cruise ship would be docked, and head out on the Manly ferry towards Manly.

The Manly ferry is one of the most economical and spectacular way to see Sydney harbor. It journeys past some of the most exclusive suburbs along the water front, where houses were build to be seen, and past the Zoo on the left where the animals enjoy the same glorious view from their cliff top open enclosures. The best place to sit is on the top deck right at the front, where it’s prime position to take in the view without the risk of getting splashed by the occasional stray wave.

Afternoon

By the time I arrive at Manly it will be mid-day and my stomach will begin to grumble to be fed. So I grab some takeaway fish and chips from one of the many stores on The Corso, and take it to a picnic table near the beach to enjoy.

The temperature will be the hottest by now, so after my feast I walk along the walkway towards Shelley Beach, where the waves are less intimidating and go for a swim. Shelley Beach is also a great snorkeling and diving spot for beginners and with that in mind I plan for another day to visit.

For now, I relax and dry off in the sun, and head back towards the ferry terminal to return to the city.

Evening

Upon my return to Circular Quay I visit the Museum of Contemporary Art and admire the creativity and courage of modern artists portraying their thoughts and ideology through various mediums and means.

I will have a ticket to see a Sydney Symphony concert at 7pm, and there wouldn’t be time for me to go to my favourite restaurants in Surry Hills, so I settle for dinner at Rockpool, an award winning seafood establishment in The Rocks before my concert at the Opera House.

Post concert, I sit down with some friends at the Opera Bar and end the day sipping cocktails, sharing gossip, and watching the lights bounce off the bridge and Luna Park in the distance.

And then…..you just get on with it.

All that drama and all those worries about what might happen just fall away.

That happened to me this week.

You see one of the benefits of being an expat in Hong Kong is being able to hire a domestic helper. Coming from the UK it’s not something I’m familiar with and had been arguing – with myself – for months whether to hire one to care for my son as I work.

The conversation in my head went something like this: “What will all my friends back in the UK think of me having a helper? Will it be worth the money? Who am I to have a helper? Is the domestic helper system even fair? How good will she be? What if she does everything wrong? What if we don’t get on?….”

Clearly I was getting nowhere, until it took me an entire day to arrange the next Worldette Webinar and to schedule my 1-on-1 Jam session clients at a time when my son wouldn’t need my attention. By the time I’d called my husband enough times for him to become impatient, I reached that “eff it!” point.

And guess what? Gemma, my new part time helper is here with my son now. I can hear her singing gentle Filipino lullabies to him as she tidies up the kitchen and I’m in productivity over drive. (and yes, we’ll have a story coming up about the world’s domestic helper industry on Worldette too as I think it’s something that needs to be covered.)

So, why do we always wait for that ultimate “eff it!” point?

Why do we hold back from those things that will improve our lives?

Why don’t we just start the things we know we want right at the start?   <—tweet this

It’s fear, m’dear.

Fear of what other people might think. Fear of money – what it might cost, how much we may lose (or even make). Fear of the time it will take – what effort will it require to get there? Fear of change – what if life becomes easy, I mean, gosh, what then? What if you’ll never be the same person again

And round and round in our head it goes.

Until….something dramatic or emotional happens. The s*** hits the fan.  A major relationship changes. And you yell “eff it, I’m just going to do it!”

Now, seriously, I’m curious – when did you last throw your hands up and yell ‘F*ck it, I’m just going to do it!” (or whatever your choice of words might be?) 

I have been lucky to have had many opportunities to travel across the Atlantic Ocean several times.  It has been a mixed bag though.

First it was just me as a teenager with my siblings and parents, then it was with my boyfriend (and now husband), and later on with a baby.  Then it became one baby and one toddler, and now, I get to relax and my two teenage sons are well-seasoned travelers.

But, I have had to learn a few tricks along the way.  Our longest trip ever was from Austria to Costa Rica, which involved having to go to the United States first, and our sons were only 6 and 9 at the time. It was a long trip, and I had to make sure I had enough entertainment and lots of patience.

I sometimes cannot believe my eyes when I see people with babies and toddlers or young children board airplanes, particularly when it is going to be a long flight, with nothing along to keep them entertained.  Every time I knew we would be making a long trip I made sure to have a few little toys that were new and some snacks the boys would enjoy, since meals on planes can get tricky.

Here are seven my tips, whether you are traveling with a baby, a toddler or a very young child:

1. Make sure you have plenty of time to get to the airport and get there early.  The unexpected can pop up that might make you late and stressed-out (such as a major diaper change  or a spit-up in the taxi or car. Things rarely run smoothly.
2. After checking in try to walk around with your baby and look at things; or if you are with a toddler, have them walk or run a bit – it’s better to do this at the airport than on a plane. Get some of that energy out!  You will have plenty of time to sit on the airplane later on.
3. Bring a bag full of toys for them: you can forget reading your own book because your main focus will keeping your young child entertained and comfortable. Other passengers will be appreciative of this too. You might end up having them fall asleep, in which case you will probably be so exhausted you’ll doze off too.
4. If your toddler or young child seems a bit wiggly walk up and down the aisles or go to the back to look out of the round windows.
5. Make sure you have some crackers, cookies or treats you know your toddler or baby likes – sometimes it can take a long time before the meal is served (especially the transatlantic flights) and you want to avoid a hungry child.
6. I always made sure I had something along for pain, like Tylenol or Motrin – little ears can get painful due to the air pressure, which in turn will make everyone miserable.  Fevers also seem to creep up at the last minute so take a thermometer  too.
7. Last but not least, don’t worry about what other people may think. Have lots of patience, both with your baby or toddler and also with the people around you.

Something I just read about a few months ago (although I have never seen on a flight yet) are In-Flight Nannies - another pair of helping hands in case you have to take a long trip with your baby and/or young child by yourself.

I wish there was this kind of support when I was going on transatlantic flights with my sons. Instead my husband and I were able to juggle things and take turns entertaining the boys. But it was all worth it when we arrived at our destinations, the proud grandparents were there to greet us and give us a hand with everything from then onwards.

Do you have any horror stories or good news stories of traveling with children?  Have you ever helped out a distressed mother ? 

Leave your comment, we love hearing from you!

You see I’d just completed writing the ‘about’ pages for Worldette. I had explained how we provide coverage to women’s issues around the world not getting the coverage they deserve elsewhere (something we still do).

I felt happy that hundreds of miles away from gut-wrenching situations in the world there was a small chance that my team, and you, as one of our readers, could use the internet and social media share a story and spread the word.

Perhaps we’d bring the story to the attention of the larger newsrooms or even put the story directly in the hands of a person able to take direct action.

Yep that felt good. My work had a sense of purpose.

But then along came Gabby Bernstein who in one of her group sessions explained a different take on how to change the world.

She tells me to focus on myself.

I’m supposed to sit in silence.

She explained the way to change the world is to focus on your own fears, to your own reactions, and to flood YOURSELF with love.

And you know what? This really annoyed me. It annoyed me to think that rather than taking direct action to make a difference in the world I should turn off my computer, stop publishing news, and meditate. How was that going to work?!

So I’m sure you know what happened next.

Yep, I love a challenge too much to ignore it and after week of egotistically feeling my work had been undermined (how dare she!) I began to focus on myself.

Hint: when something pisses you off there’s a major clue you need to work on it and why it bothers you so much – starting with, you guessed it, yourself.

Now, this is not a post on mediation, although if you’ve ever wondered if you should give it go, I highly recommend you start. (Gabby Bernstein will get you on your way in this book and because after all, if you’re going to follow a spiritual guru why not chose one who wear heels and rocks a turban better than even Madonna.)

This is a post about how there is more than one way to change the world.

This is a post about how today the barriers have been removed for YOU to make a difference, to leave your legacy, to show you care.

Perhaps Micheal Jackson said it best with: “If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change.”

As I began to focus on myself and flood all those ‘faults’ of mine with love I found it easier to do the same with others. The articles I wrote were no longer accusatory and full of blame but with an understanding that we all act in ways that may shock others or that may appear hateful.

We’ve all been fearful before and when we act in fear, whether it’s through money worries, lack of food, fear of exclusion from our community, or that war is ravishing in our country and we’ll do whatever it takes to survive, we act in ways that are not revealing of our true selves.

Yes by focusing on ourselves we can see the rest of the world acting in fear.

Does that mean we should forgive those who kill baby girls simply because they were born female? Should we look away when we hear girls as young as seven having their genitals mutilated by the very communities that care for them? If you can already you’re perhaps a more enlightened person than I am.

Either way, the answer is no, we do not turn away and ignore the situation but neither do you aggressively pursue your people to sign a petition nor do you imply people who don’t act simply don’t care.

Yes, there is more than one way to change the world and this is your call to arms.

You may choose to:

• volunteer to build houses in Peru
• buy handmade Cambodian scarves that donate a portion back to education in the country
• spread word of a story that bothers you on social media
• help a woman start her own business by donating a microloan through Kiva
• focus on yourself and see what happens when your changed perspective effects the way you act to the people around you and a far.

This is your permission to start.

So I’m asking you right now, what will you do to change the world?

If you want to get started on changing the world right now here are three ways to start:

1. join our Worldette Kiva page. Your first loan is FREE. Yep you read that right and if you donate, I get another free loan too. Leave me a note below if you take up this offer and I’ll make my loan too. Working together already – I love it!
2. spread this story or any other story that moves you on twitter or facebook. You never know when it may land in the hands of someone at the right time for them to take major action. You’ll have helped along the way.
3. Check out F*ck It and Book It! Our six-week online course starts April 22 where you’ll learn to remove the barriers that stop you from getting out the world, follow your dream adventure, and make your mark. 

I may sound like a phone stalker from a horror movie but wondering where you are has been on my mind recently.

I didn’t share this with many people until recently but last year I found myself in a difficult situation when it came to the work I was doing on Worldette.

You see, as I was encouraging you to travel, follow your dreams, and start an adventure, I was doing the opposite.

I was at home. I wasn’t going anywhere. And I was starting to worry.

From spring onwards my travel plans took a backseat as I become locked in to a number of ‘life obligations.’ (Ok, so I got pregnant and had a baby while ‘completing’ my full time career as a journalist. Yep, it was time to gracefully finish one dream I’d started some years ago while moving in to a new part of my life.)

I’m not the kind of person to encourage you to do something I can’t, nor won’t, do myself and so this situation began to make me feel uneasy. How could I continue to make content and encourage you to explore when I couldn’t do it myself?

I used this period to reach out to so many of you via email, my 1-on-1 coaching calls, and on the facebook page. And you helped me realise something really beautiful:

That sometimes we all need to be home.

Being at home is an integral part of travel and adventure. It’s just another part of the journey.

And as it turns out a huge number of you ARE at home.

I talked with mothers taking care of their children, wives following their husbands on assignment to other countries, women focusing on their careers and starting businesses, daughters taking care of their elderly parents, and a number of women getting their financial priorities in order.

Responsibility. Caring. Nurturing.

I listened to your stories and now I see clearly how women at home are as confident, daring, and strong as those with a plane ticket in their hands en route to explore the world.

Being on the road versus being at home: inevitably both lead to self-growth only one comes from reflection on the world we belong and the other from reflection on how the world sees us.

The problem with being at home is that those dreams, adventures, and projects you want to start seem harder to achieve.

Without the stimulation of being in a new or exotic location or the motivation from hanging out with fast living people, our dreams and adventures seem to slip further away.

Those life obligations you said you’d honor for a short while soon become your entire life.

And for those of us with dreams and adventures locked up within us, that’s why being home can seem a scarier adventure to navigate.

Marie. x

PS. So that’s why we worked so hard to relaunch Worldette and make sure the content is serving you best. We want to feel inspired. Re-engerised. Alive. We want you to feel that your dream adventure is just one small and easy step away. We want you to feel good about being at home.

PPS. With this in mind and from what so many of you told me I’m soon opening the first enrollment of the F*ck It and Book It! online group coaching course that will transform your worries, fears, and boundaries into wild adventures and redesign your life as you know it  - it’s starting April 22. I’m excited. Stay tuned or get in the interest list here. 

The Positive Impact of Traveling Together

According to new research conducted for Travel Effect (www.traveleffect.com/you), 79 percent of couples said that travel together has a positive impact on their relationship. “Couples who travel together more often report closeness and romance compared to couples who don’t, and are more likely to report sharing common goals and desires. They’re less likely to see their differences as anything they can’t resolve, and when it comes to staying together, they’re more likely to make it past the five-year mark.”

When you travel with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to work together as a duo to make the trip a success. This can involve discussing basic things like where you will stay, what you will do each day and where you will eat, subjects which are rarely discussed at home.

Equally important, traveling often includes compromising with each other when you have different interests and budgeting to make your money last for the trip. Perhaps one of you is very active when traveling, eager to bounce out of bed every morning and fit in as much as possible, while the other person would like to enjoy living life at a slower pace.

Maybe you refuse to stay in a hotel without a pool, but your partner would prefer to stay somewhere cheaper and spend more on excursions.

Traveling together forces you to fit your plans to each other and find solutions. Once you have shared your desires and resolved differences with your loved one while traveling, you may well find you become more stable as a couple at home.

Travel as a Couple to Improve your Sex Life

Over 70 percent of couples say that traveling together inspires romance, while more than one in four say that traveling as a couple even improved their sex life. And let’s face it, you have more quality time to enjoy your partner’s company when you’re on holiday, plus you’re likely to be more relaxed, and of course, you can spend more time in bed!

A majority (59%) of couples say that being more intimate is an important reason to vacation together, so if the intimacy is missing from your relationship, it could be time to book a trip for two.

Do you regularly travel with your partner? How has it improved or altered your relationship?

At check-in my husband and I mentioned that we had just got married, but had been told that we could pay for an upgrade if we wanted one, at nearly double our original airfare! We politely refused. Then, as we queued to board our second flight after transiting, we were suddenly handed our new boarding passes. I boarded the plane in complete excitement. After years of flying long-haul between Southeast Asia and the UK, I had finally got lucky and scored a free upgrade.

Champagne Service

We sat down in our ultra-wide, soft seats with larger-than-normal television screens facing us and plenty of space to stretch out. Before we could fully come to terms with our luxurious surroundings we were immediately served glasses of champagne, in real champagne flutes, and given a selection of free newspapers. This was nothing like my usual flying experiences in economy class.

As we settled down to watch some of the massive selection of in-flight movies, with flight attendants ready to serve us efficiently and politely whenever we wanted something, for once I wished I was on a longer flight. With only seven hours to enjoy these luxurious flying standards, I wanted to make the most of this opportunity.

Restaurant Service in the Air

Usually, sitting behind in economy, the flight attendant offers the choice of “chicken or fish?” as the staple plane food is served up on plastic trays, with plastic cutlery and miniature-sized drinks. First class is a whole different dining experience. With a lengthy menu to choose from, our food and drinks were of a much higher quality and served on real plates, in real glasses, and with real cutlery. It was like eating at a top-end restaurant.

No one likes an airplane toilet, but even the bathroom was more pleasant than in economy class. A selection of toiletries, all of better quality than in economy, and no long queues to go to the loo, were unexpected benefits.

Stretch, and Stretch Further

If you have entered a plane, walking through the first and business class areas to get to economy, you know how wide those seats look. Well, they feel wide too, and soft, and relaxing. Had I been able to get over the excitement of all those first class perks, I would have sunk into a deep sleep with my chair fully reclined. It’s almost as good as being in bed, and the service is so much better!

Have you flown first class? How was your experience?